So after 5 years of psychotherapy, and painful years of learning how to communicate better, more clearly, more directly and to the point... I've learned that the ultimate lesson is that all of this is a distraction. IT DOES NOT MATTER.
What matters? Truth! That's always been how I felt. I just never realized that processing never brings truth.
Truth is a quiet whisper that wasn't necessary.
Truth is a random thought expressed out of order.
Truth is what happens when we aren't constrained, when we aren't thinking.
Processing is a trap. It never yields truth. At best it might yield up some facts, but they are always overshadowed by the emotional responses. And those aren't truth either, because they are forced and constrained by the circumstance.
Emotions that occur without any constraint, on their own, with no demands upon them are True. Everything else is just reaction.
I've wasted too many years trying to process everything with everyone. It's a waste. From this point forward I'm only focused on Truth. On the moment, on what is real. As soon is processing is required Truth is going to be obscured. There's no point in sticking with it. Just walk away.