Jo Rhett (jorhett) wrote,
Jo Rhett

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Unfortunately simple.

I didn't want to say it at the time, but Leigh Ann's memorial at Baycon really hadn't struck me right at the time, and in fact made me uncomfortable and I left and walked around. I tried coming back later and got the exact same feeling. It really left me wondering.

I think the truth struck home today. The Mass the previous Saturday really had been a Wake more than anything. It was still new and fresh to everyone, and we were all still in shock. I felt very comfortable with everyone there.

The memorial at Baycon had a completely different nature. It was a very beautiful tribute to who Leigh Ann was, and how many lives she touched. Many people have reported in their livejournals and elsewhere just how touched they were by it.

So why did it leave me cold?

It unfortunately simple. I'm selfish. I'm not done processing this, and I'm not ready to see her yet as this past person we all appreciate. To me she still IS ... so many things. And I'm still holding on tight, trying to defy reality.

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