I think the truth struck home today. The Mass the previous Saturday really had been a Wake more than anything. It was still new and fresh to everyone, and we were all still in shock. I felt very comfortable with everyone there.
The memorial at Baycon had a completely different nature. It was a very beautiful tribute to who Leigh Ann was, and how many lives she touched. Many people have reported in their livejournals and elsewhere just how touched they were by it.
So why did it leave me cold?
It unfortunately simple. I'm selfish. I'm not done processing this, and I'm not ready to see her yet as this past person we all appreciate. To me she still IS ... so many things. And I'm still holding on tight, trying to defy reality.