Jo Rhett (jorhett) wrote,
Jo Rhett

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I'm actually struggling with words for where I am now. Last week I found myself in my worst place -- struggling against forces that I can't control that have no love for me. I found myself back against the wall, ready to fight anything. Just to fight, sometimes.

I spent this weekend trying to get over it.

And on Monday, instead of going to the track for practice I spent the day touching each and every little detail, trying to find the ties that bind me. And cleaning my house too.

I found enough things to relieve the chains holding me down. I was able to arrange the financing which will ... well, change everything. Pull these iron locks off of my choices, and give me flexibility enough to start making my own decisions about which way to go.

And enough to attend Cons and relax, not pinching every penny or spending and then worrying.

I was able to meet with the city collectors and face them down calmly, remain clear on my issues without getting upset for how they are trying to abuse the process and control me.

The weird part is that it's like ants under my skin. I feel like everything is changing forever, really fast. I'm trying to welcome the change and become better for it.
Tags: self

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